USUK - Kindred Temptations
by Rae'vyn Phiar
Summary: Everything is darkness and rain for Arthur as he realizes that he finally loves Alfred. His fear is that when he confesses, he will be cut down and rejected, and that fear is torture. LOTS OF ANGST! And some kissing and fluff! Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Love you guys! Rated M for slight cutting triggers, angst, and yaoi kissing!
1. Chapter 1 - Despair

_I channeled my inner teenager when I wrote this chapter. LOTS OF AGNST! But you have to read this one to understand the rest, so… Hope you like it! A lot of mental comparisons, fluff, mental shit. I need to write smut again…_

_Sorry guys, but I'm going through a rough time right now. This is why I wrote this lovely story. I feel really weird, so I gave those emotions to England/Arthur. I'm sorry if you hate it, but this is the state of my mind and this is my fanfiction._

_Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Please request new stuff and tell your friends to ask about new fics too! If you request a scenario or prompt, there's __**more**__ than a promise that I'll write it! I __**need**__ prompts!_

_Rated M for slight cutting triggers and inner turmoil that made me cringe. Yeah. I, as the author, cringed at this one. I don't own Hetalia!_

**USUK – Kindred Temptations – Chapter One – Despair**

Whatever this was... Whatever the source of this horrible rent in the emerald-eyed man's spirit was... Nothing could purge it from within. Arthur was always good at putting on masks to shelter himself from the outside. He put on false faces of arrogance, of anger, of calmness... But it was all for naught now. They were all shattered, and the sharp edges of the pieces cut him ever deeper…

Arthur stood on the stairs outside his house. He'd stood there for as long as he could remember, not caring about the drenching rain that had soaked him to the bone hours ago. He could barely feel it anymore. He stared mindlessly at the wet earth at his feet, the droplets that splattered onto his shoes from above.

His eyes, could anyone see them, were filled with numb sadness, tears filling the dark cavity where life used to reside. Nothing freed him from the sick pain he'd felt for years... decades... He coughed into his wet sleeve, knowing that he'd catch cold from his act, but refusing to give the matter a second thought.

All he knew was the torrent of emotions that slammed him in the gut like a heavy blow, forcing him to spill out the remnants of his bowels onto the ground. Shaking as a wave of chills washed over him, Arthur wiped away the vomit from his lips and stood once more, disgusted in the sight of the splattering wash of stomach-turning color upon the grass.

He stared up at the sky, watching the gray and black clouds turn and change shape. He used to be like them, ever changing in his thought and feelings… Everything had changed so quickly… In an instant of mind-shattering thought… Now that he knew exactly how he felt, nothing changed anymore inside.

The thing that horrified him the most was the thought of that blue-eyed man hating him, rejecting him for the last time. Striking him to the floor in a burst of anger and calling him so many things... _'Disgusting! Idiot! Pervert!'_ These thoughts drove him mad, circling around inside until they'd forced his hand to take up the blade against his own flesh.

He fingers skittered down his rent forearms, the neat and ragged scars and cuts alike the only thing that had distracted him from these times of need and pain... Arthur remembered that first cut, the relief it had brought so sweet at first, an ecstasy that he'd never felt before, but at an ugly price... And now it was his only way to feel anything...

His little one... He didn't warrant the force of his emotions, no one did... So the man held it in, waiting for the moments when he'd snap and take up that familiar, biting friend that eased the pain... He knew that his suffering would stop if he just confessed, but he knew that what he felt was as ugly as the scars he bore on his arms... Every time he saw that light-filled, happy man's smile he wanted to blurt it out to him... _'I love you...!'_

Someone broke the silence within him. Someone was shaking him, trying to get him to snap out of his mental state. He struggled to move his battered mind away from the depression as the figure forced his legs to move, walking him into the house. He was forced to don yet another fragmented mask...

Arthur looked into the face of that strange protector and the mask crumbled. He fell apart into tears...

That person whom his heart yearned for was here...

Alfred...


	2. Chapter 2 - Confessions

_This one was written right after the first, so sorry if it sounds rushed. Thanks anyway for surviving the hellhole that was the first chapter. I know what it's like, all those emotions that England/Arthur feels there, I've been there, and I've been through the whole cutting thing. For those of you who have cut, you understand what it's like…_

_Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Please request new stuff and tell your friends to ask about new fics too! If you request a scenario or prompt, there's __**more**__ than a promise that I'll write it! I __**need**__ prompts!_

_Rated M for slight cutting triggers and angst! I don't own Hetalia!_

**USUK – Kindred Temptations – Chapter Two - Confessions**

No... No... He wasn't supposed to see that pained expression... That little child before him wasn't allowed to see him cry... He looked at the floor, his hands betraying him as he clutched to that singular man like he was his only salvation...

"Arthur... Why were you out there in the rain? You're gonna get sick and then I'm gonna have to come over and take care of you again..." His voice was concerned, careful. Alfred didn't know why the Englishman was outside in the rain. He should've known better. Hell, he shouldn't even had been outside in the first place!

Why was he acting to strangely...? Not looking him in the eyes and telling him that he was fine like usual... Was he sick? "Hey. Talk to me. C'mon..." the younger man pleaded, his gentle words making the elder man jump, sinking to his knees as his legs fell out from underneath him. "Arthur...?"

The man picked himself up as soon as he'd fallen, trying to place a mask as he wiped his tears on his sleeve. "It's nothing... I'm fine..." He didn't meet the bespectacled man's worried gaze as he turned around, walking away and collecting the broken pieces of a broken mind within himself. Arthur was brought to a stop immediately, a hand on his wrist as strong as steel.

"I'm not going to take that as an answer. You _never_ act this way. Tell me what's wrong." He cursed under his breath, shaking his head in the shorter blonde's peripheral vision. "I know something's wrong. You're never like this... Arthur... I worry about you. I care if you're sad, or angry, or depressed. Just..."

His eyes flicked to the transparent shirt sleeve in his grasp, and the elder cringed at his sharp gasp as Alfred turned him around, yanking his sleeve up with the other hand and staring at the scars and scabbed-over tears carved into the belly of his forearm. Arthur gazed at them as well, waiting for the other man to speak.

"Why did you do you this to yourself...?" the younger man's voice was weak, as if he wasn't in full belief of what he was seeing. He traced the pale pink line of one of the healed marks with a forefinger, causing the elder man to shiver and slap his hand away. Pulling his arm out of the blue-eyed man's grasp, he turned around, clutching his arm to his chest as he finally spoke truthfully.

"I... This is... This is the only way I feel anything... I do this... to hide what I really feel..." He automatically hated himself for saying his last phrase, wishing he had that cold, sharp friend to cast off his emotional pain into real, physical pain that calmed over time... Arthur's shoulder shook as Alfred spoke again.

"What are you running away from?" At last, the Englishman found the will to turn around once more and look him in the eyes. They were full of light, caring, compassion. Sorrow for his pain, pity for the broken man who weakly stood before him, strength that would fight to get rid of the weakness and build him up too... "Please... Just tell me something..."

"I..." His words faltered again as the younger man gently, hesitantly held him to his chest. The beating of his heart pounded into the emerald-eyed man's ears like a resounding hammer. The will to say what he'd always wanted... To share the contents of his mind... To throw his heart out in the hopes that his love would be returned...

"Alfred... I love you... I have for decades... But I was always so scared-"

"Arthur..." No... Rejection was what he warranted. Arthur braced himself for the hate and the cursing and the slamming door. But Alfred's arms only tightened as he spoke again, a soothing hand resting heavily on his head, caressing his thick hair in an attempt at comforting the shaken man... "You never needed to hide it from me... because I've loved you too, all this time..."


	3. Chapter 3 - Acceptance

_The happy, lighthearted chapter of this bunch! I was sort of out of my weird funk by this point, so this one's a little less on the darkness and hatred and more on the love and relationship stuff! Hope you like it!_

_Thanks for reading, reviewing, faving, and following! Please request new stuff and tell your friends to ask about new fics too! If you request a scenario or prompt, there's more than a promise that I'll write it! I need prompts!_

_Rated M for yaoi kissing and angst. I don't own Hetalia!_

**USUK – Kindred Temptations – Chapter Three – Acceptance**

"...What...?" Anything but this... Arthur never expected the man before him, the one in whose embrace he was enfolded in so warmly, to be so eagerly accepting of the confession he'd divulged. He didn't want to leave the circle of his arms, only to hear that selfsame confession again and again, over and over...

"I said that I love you too. I'm not ashamed of it..." He loosened his hold on the elder man slightly, leaning back to look at the blank look in his green eyes. He cupped the side of his face in a hand and smiled gently at the faint blush that spread lightly across the man's face. Arthur raised a trembling hand and touched that palm. "And neither should you…"

He was blank inside, not numb, but emotionless. The Englishman was still trying to comprehend what the younger man had said, knowing how deep it was but unable to feel it yet. Those bright blue eyes, full of the light he craved, closed... And then a pair of warm lips pressed softly to his.

Then it hit him, tears welling in his eyes as his fear, apprehension, and doubt washed away in that singular touch. He found his mind racing to the light he wanted, his hands reaching to wrap around the one person he knew was filled with that warm sunlight...

At last... The gray clouds of darkness and depression left him, leaving only sunlight where darkness had once shadowed his world...

Finally, the light was his and he was the light's.

The kiss strengthened, deepening slightly as the younger man held a bit tighter to his elder. His mind was clear in what he wanted and needed. All Alfred wanted was to hold this person, just like this, safe in the embrace of the hero of light that he knew the once-broken man needed to desperately.

They broke apart, the blue-eyed man gazing into soft green orbs that reflected the light that his shone with. They weren't sad, lonely, depressed, but reborn with a new glow of joy and life and fulfillment.

"Alfred...?" The American didn't care if his shirt got all wet as long as the other man held him back... Arthur held him tighter, the shivers that ran through him not only from the rain. Nothing compared to the strength of his dear one's body, that warmth that chased the darkness out just like the light.

"Yeah?" Arthur tightened his hold on the man before him.

"Can you say it again...? Please?"

A light hand brushed away his lingering tears and a damp strand of hair.

"Of course... I love you, Arthur..."


End file.
